Saturday, May 09, 2015

Mother's Day 2015

Happy Mother's Day!! I hope it's as lovely a day for you as it is for me. In case you haven't planned ahead for a gift, I have a few modest suggestions.

1. Pantry Diver.
Since I haven't received my Asimo robot or my organizer monkey, I need a pantry diver. Someone to dive in and pull out the shortening that's buried beneath 15 other things and then put back everything that fell out so I can continue with my baking. Also to make sure I use up the first package of raisins before I buy more since I can't find the second or third package.
I'm going in for the chocolate chips!

2. National Reading Day. 
I've stopped keeping a list of books I want to read because it's too depressing to look at the list of 40+ books knowing that even if I really tried, I can only do a book a week. That means I'm a year behind in my reading. So I propose a National Reading Day where you're required by law to put aside all other obligations/responsibilities/etc and spend the day reading. I'll even make the coffee and oatmeal cookies for it, you know, to use up all the raisins. I know this idea will probably tank the economy, but that's a small price to pay for a lovely day of coffee, cookies and a good book.

3. Ketchup Cap Cleaner.
I don't know about you but when I have ketchup on the table, it starts off a clean bottle. By the time it makes the circuit around the table, you'd think we turned the bottle inside out. Yet said messy bottle inevitably gets put back in the refrigerator before I see it so when I pull it out the next time, there's fossilized ketchup around the opening. I'm sorry if I just ruined your appetite, but I had to confess that one.

4. Project Finisher. 
I have since taken up crocheting in addition to the knitting and sewing I do because I'm insane and don't know when to stop hurting myself. I think it's a symptom of my Art-School-Itis. On the road to self realization, I have also found that while I have skill in creating and starting a project, my motivation runs out just before the project is done. As a result, I have, among others, a project in which 86 buttons have to be sewn on, tote bags without handles, and scarves with yarn dangling off. I need someone to come in and put the finishing touches on these project yet be ok with me taking all the credit (you're surprised by this?) Said Project Finisher must also be able to fetch me more coffee as I start more projects.

Please. Make her stop.

5. Saucifier.
I have previously written about my recipe issues. A lot of these recipes come with sauces: lemon taziki? roasted tomato relish? banana mustard? sure, why not! 
Yeah, I know this sounds horrific, but the sauce is fantastic!

Of course, once the main course has been eaten up with ketchup (see above), there's always sauce left that I just can't bring myself to throw out. And I can't make a tote bag out of it. But since the entree on which it's served is gone, there's nothing to eat the sauce with. So in my refrigerator they sit. And sit. And sit. Someone needs to come in and either transform the sauces into an edible soup or teach my kids to spread it on their sandwiches. A peanut butter, Fluff, and Buffalo Ranch sauce sandwich is really not as bad as it sounds. No, really.

So there you have it; a short little list of things I really need. Now get shopping while I start this crochet blanket.


Stina said...

Great ideas coming from a mother of six and you know what they say......A mother knows best. Happy Mother's Day

MaryEllen said...

"Fluffy" and "mackerel" and "pudding" all together - can't stop laughing