Monday, September 09, 2013

My Business Plan

Attention venture capitalists!
Looking for an exciting and innovative company to invest in?
Eager to change the world?

Introducing Fad Busters!!

Tired of looking at teens with their pants showing their boxers? Don't want to see young girls with "Juicy" written across their butts? Really over the text speak or nouns as verbs and verbs as nouns? Needing some eye bleach with all the twerking going on out there?

We have a solution!

Fads in and of themselves are not bad. No one saw the demise of western civilization in bell bottoms or that Furby craze, but when your youngsters can no longer speak in coherent sentences because of all the acronym-izing, when they can't run because their pants might fall down, things need to change. And who better to facilitate that change than middle aged moms? After all, "the hands that rocks the cradle is the hand that rules the world" right? Right!

The plan is simple: Nothing kills the coolness of any fad or phrase quite like your Mom using it. Note the use of word Mom in "Mom jeans" or "Mom bangs" to denote how utterly uncool the item or style is. Notice how everyone stopped saying "Dude!" when your mom started? So let's put that power to use!

Say you want to put an end to this whole pants around the butt thing. When you hire Fad Busters, four middle aged moms (or MAMs) will be dispatched in the general public dressed in this fashion. Pictures will be taken and our team of crack social media experts will broadcast these images all over the internet. They'll also tweet about how the MAMs have adopted this fashion and don't they look fabulous? Almost immediately, teens around the world will utter a collective sigh of disgust and vow never to wear their pants like that again. Problem solved!

Or perhaps you're done with a certain phrase; for example "My bad!" being used instead of "I'm sorry for my oversight." Fad Busters will have their global network of MAMs use the phrase, out of context in some cases, as often as possible. And while the worldwide teen eye rolling will make it seem like there's a zombie apocalypse in progress, the phrase "My bad!" will be consigned to the dustbin of history.

Don't want to see girls objectifying themselves by wearing "Juicy" on their butts? Once they see MAMs dressed like that, denim jumpers will be all the rage. And twerking? Haven't we had enough of this? One shot of an MAM twerking and dance will once again be something we can all enjoy.

Yes, the concept is simple and effective. Know of a fad contributing to the decline of culture? We can fix that! Who would need such services? Why parents, teachers, coaches, law enforcement officials and pretty much anyone over 30!

So act now and be part of this dynamic business by sending your investment of $1,000 or more to:
Fad Busters
152 I'mSoDoneWithThis Drive, Suite YesReally
CanWeMoveOnNow, RI 20909.

The first 50 respondents will get a free tote bag for their knitting!

No comments: