Sunday, September 09, 2012

The Source of Our Sorrow

I think I have discovered the source of our generational angst. It's not the current political climate or the poor economy. It's a little secret from our collective past.

It's the use of the hot dog as a legitimate ingredient in an entree recipe.

I have previously alerted you to the fact that hot dogs are not a legitimate recipe ingredient. There is no improving a hot dog. I don't mean that they are so wonderful they cannot get any better. I mean they are kid fodder, something people eat at ballparks. To think them capable of higher epicurean levels is to deny reality and here is our delimma. I think each one of us subconsciously struggles with an inner conflict between the reality of the hot dog's place in the culinary universe and recipes like this:


 Which recipe you ask? Upper right hand corner, dear.

"What's for dinner, Mom?"
"Guided Missiles."
"Oh Mom, you must really love us!"
Read the recipe! It calls for sculpting the hot dog tip!! You do not love your children unless you are willing to sculpt hot dogs for them!!!

But wait, there's more.

An entire page of hot dog recipes!! "Florentine Franks"?!? I'm pretty sure whatever they are eating in Florence, Italy, it doesn't include hot dogs. Or how about the recipe above it? Nutty Franks. Hot dogs with chunky peanut butter. No, really. And just in case you haven't spontaneously combusted at that thought, the recipe says, "Pass pickle relish if desired." You, however, won't be able to do this because your guests have already run shrieking from the table.

Here's another fun one (warning: may be inappropriate for very young children)

What? What's that you say? You want a better picture?

That which has been seen cannot be unseen

I was about to slam on this recipe but you know what? Now that I see the tomato wedges, everything is better. I mean, everything is better when you include a veggie, right? Right? NO! There is no  salvation through lame crudites!

But here's the grand-daddy of them all.

Sculpted hot dog? Check. Lame veggies? Check. Added bonus of being a Weight Watchers Budget Best Bet? Oh, yeah.

Have you called your therapist yet? The very idea that there were some people who had to eat these recipes for dinner is enough to make me weep.

Thank goodness in the past ten years we have learned to overcome the use of hot dogs in recipes. Now we're into real culinary treats like this:

Avocado, mango and scallion suspended in a mint, lime and jalapeno aspic.



kristin scribner said...

Bwahahahahaha! So, tell me how you really feel about hot dogs. ;)

K. Ann said...

Jon actually knows someone who ate peanut butter on his hot-dogs (and you may know him, too), and I thought he was the only one in the world. (Perhaps his mother had a copy of that cook-book!) Thanks for all the comments on hot-dogs and all the recipes. We'll be sure to try them. It's another good theme for a pot-luck: hot-dog recipes.

Kelly said...

If there is a better meal to make in your avacado-hued kitchen and serve in your dark-paneled den, on your burnt orange serving tray, than the Frankfurter Spectacular, I will take one bite of everything served at that hot dog potluck. I suggest period clothing.

Amelia @ One Catholic Mama said...

Ah..but which is worse...sculpted hot dogs or sculpted spam??

I just discovered your blog your TLC...and oh my..this was funny! And, I'm ashamed to admit that I used to make a recipe with hot dogs as a kid. We split the hot dogs and added a slice of cheese in the middle before baking. I think they were called cheesy dogs or something. LOL