Saturday, March 03, 2012

Adventures in Karaoke

I really didn't plan to spend my Friday night working a karaoke gig,

I'm a stay at home mom, not a DJ. On Friday nights, I put the kids to bed, watch a few episodes of 'Frasier' (the new 'Matlock') and it's lights out by 10:00 PM. But my friend 'Stina called me in a panic. The ride to her karaoke job fell through and she was in a pinch. So I agreed to drive her to the karaoke job, find a quiet corner and do some knitting until she was done. Easy money. At some point during the set up, she asked me, "How do you feel about being MC?"

Wait, what?

I feel like a fish out of water, a stranger in a strange land, that's what. But as we're setting up the equipment, she's quickly losing her voice. Really? This has to happen now? You can't run a DJ/karaoke party with no voice! C'mon, 'Stina, this isn't funny.

10:30 PM. The party was supposed to start at 11:00 PM but there's already people filling out song request slips. So we get our groove on early. I'm amazed there's so many people with the courage to do this.

The next thing I know I'm spinning "Fancy" by Reba McIntyre. I grab the mic. "Steve? Dude, you're up next with Blink 182! Give it up for Steve, yo!" Who's Blink 182 anyway? I look at 'Stina, "You totally owe me two iced lattes now!" I am made fully aware of my age by the fact I barely know any of the songs that are being requested.

It's 12:44 AM. Holy lateness, Batman! I should have been in bed for two hours by now, but these guys are just warming up. C'mon people! It's past my bedtime! A woman takes the mic. You're really not going to try Sinatra, are you? Really? The New Yorker in me dies a little bit. Kiki saves us with the next song. Kiki, you do Cher better than Cher! And without the Bob Mackey gown!

1:00 AM and there are 8 singers lined up. Don't you people quit?!? Hey you in the grey shirt! I spent the 80's listening to George Michael. Please don't ruin my memories. Next person is Mary. Girl, you sing like an angel! Come back up anytime. No, really. Because George Michael wants another turn and I don't think I can take it.

What is that over there? Interpretive dance for peace? Yes? I avert my eyes. The next contestant steps up. I see his selection and I ask 'Stina, "Does Dave realize this Alanis Morisette song is about a girl breaking up with her boyfriend?" 'Stina just smiles. Ok, Dave! Take it away!

1:30 AM. I start putting away the song catalogue books. I'm cutting off  the "performers" because they show no sign of slowing down and I'm dying here. Besides the gig is over at 2:00 AM and there's still 10 people left to go. Karaoke at 2:00 AM. Who does that? 'Stina's taking pictures of everything and posting it on Facebook for posterity.

'Stina sees me taking notes. I tell her it's for a possible blog post. The things I do for blog fodder. I'm starting to get punchy.

"Are you fussin' at me?" 'Stina says, "Yeah, I think you're tired, is what! Make sure that gets in your post."

Kiki, closed us out with Lee Ann Rimes. Dang, she's good. Wait? That's not the last one? Oh, for the love of all that's good, he wants to do AC/DC?!? The singer valiantly fights his way through a song 15 years older than he is.

2:00 AM. We're done! Oh, happy day! We're done! It took us two hours to set up, but five minutes to break it all down and get out of there.

4:00 AM. I'm home. I'm all out of snark. I never got to my knitting, but I'm safely home, in bed.

And I find myself wondering if the kids would like karaoke...