Friday, May 07, 2010

Happy Mother's Day!

It's Mother's Day! That fabulous time of year when I get to say, "I want TWO foot rubs today!"

We've started a tradition here at Casa Diva. Every year on the Saturday before Mother's Day, we go to this neighborhood in East Greenwich, RI that hosts a humongo yard sale. Like, 15,000 families are involved. No really, I'm not exaggerating. Then we go get gaggers for lunch. If you're not from Rhode Island, I'm not going to explain this to you. Suffice to say gaggers are an inexpensive lunch. Please don't let anyone else know that I'm such a cheap date.

Anyway, the kids are furiously working to earn money for this yard sale so they can buy me presents (can I mow the lawn, Mom? can I clean the van? I'll be quiet for twenty minutes for 25 cents).

However, as many of you yard sale connoisseurs know, the merchandise at yard sales can be kind of hit or miss. So just in case the kids can't find what I'm looking for, I'm posting a list of suitable presents for Mother's Day.

1. Dunkin' Donuts EZ Pass
Kind of like the EZ Pass for toll roads only this one would alert the nearest Dunkin' Donuts of my impending arrival so that they could have a latte ready for me.

2. A Personal Assistant  
I know every mom could use one of these, but my need is urgent. I need someone to cook, clean and educate my kids so I can catch up on the 1,000 books that are now on my reading list.

3. Pantry-A-Nator  
Despite my best efforts to line up my cans and organize my boxes, my pantry still looks like a tornado went through and I can't get anything out of it without risk of bodily harm. A Pantry-A-Nator would organize my pantry every time I just toss something in and slammed the door shut before it fell back out.

4. Seasonal Clothing Adjuster
This is not a full time position, but the Personal Assistant listed above will have enough on her hands with the tasks I've given her. I need someone twice a year to come in and take out all the winter clothes from the boy's drawers and put in the summer clothes that are: a. still in good condition, b. fit, and c. don't look too goofy. This way my boys are not wearing stained sweaters in June and tight tank tops in October. What's that, you say? They're doing it by choice? Ok, nevermind. Maybe the SCA can just come over and rub my feet twice a year.

Well, that's it for now. As always, the Domestic Goddess reserves the right to amend this list. In the mean time, get shoppin' and a wonderful Mother's Day to all my comrades in arms!

1 comment:

JT said...

You couldn't have just said that gaggers are smaller hot dogs? I had to waste time on google reading 3 or 4 reviews about "NY System" places. ;)