Saturday, May 09, 2009

Happy Mother's Day!

I love Mother's Day because it's that day when it's all about me! Am I letting the inner diva out a bit much? In what's become an annual tradition, I've compiled a list of gift ideas. Shall we get started?

1. An outdoor bathroom. That's right, a shower, sink and toilet outside of my house. Why? Because I'm tired of little boys who play in the mud and then tramp through my house because they need to go potty. An outdoor bathroom would allow them to piddle outside without the neighbors getting upset and at the end of the day, I can shower them off before they come indoors. Go ahead, tell me I'm a genius.

2. A vegetable cloaking device. Like the Klingons had on Star Trek. With a cloaking device, my carb-boy will actually eat something other than white starchy things.

3. $500.00 in Dunkin' Donuts gift cards. Lattes, iced coffee, coolattas– I love them all. I could have a DD product every day. However, the husband insists on using his paycheck for things like paying the mortgage or the electric bill rather than funding my Dunkin' habit.

4. A GPS device to implant in my children's shoes. It never fails that one shoe is downstairs and the other shoe is nowhere near the first shoe. Yet I don't see my kids walking around with one shoe only to take off said shoe ten minutes and twenty feet away from the first shoe so they wander around with the original shoe asking where the other shoe is. You following me?

5. Recipe organizer. Between the document box, the twenty or so recipe books and three year's worth of Cook's Illustrated, I am over whelmed. But I can't throw any of them away because I want to try them. No really, I will make that lobster soufflé some day. Really. Help me.

6. Titanium game boxes. I do not know who at Hasbro/Mattel/etc. thinks that putting children's games in thin cardboard boxes is a good idea. Within days of receiving a game, the corners are split and taped back together at least three times. In ones month's time, the box is basically a place-mat. I know titanium is a bit more expensive but I think I'll end up ahead with the money I'd save on tape.

Now my dear Bo Hunkmeister suggested for the gift list a device that locks a child in the bathroom until their hands have been tested for the presence of soap and water. I would have listed said device here until it occurred to me that children like Baby would probably like being locked in the bathroom for a few hours. We'll have to work out the bugs on that gift idea for next year.

Until then - all you Moms have a wonderful day!!


Sandy said...

As usual . . . you've given me the gift of laughter. They are all so good, I can't pick just one favorite! My top three: The GPS device (hilarious!). The vegetable cloaking device (for Ripley). I think the soap detecting device has a lot of potential and I could really use one!

Maria said...

I'm not sure the titanium game boxes would be strong enough. The "anniversary edition" tin game boxes don't last much longer than the cardboard ones. They get so bent out of shape that the boxes either don't stay closed or don't close in the first place.

Have a wonderful Mother's Day and enjoy "Holy Week".

P.S. My mother's day gifts were a nice long nap and a promise that everyone else in the family would sort the huge pile of clean laundry.