Wednesday, May 27, 2009

As the Juice Box Turns; A Raven La Diva Story

It was a dark and stormy....morning. Raven eyed her appliances warily as she kissed Bo Hunkmeister goodbye.
"Oh my darling!" she said, "Have fun on your trip. We'll miss you!"
"Be strong my kitten!" Bo replied.
The crumb crunchers darling children hugged their ruggedly handsome father while Raven thought to herself, 'Can I give these kids spaghetti every night while he's gone and still be a good mom?'
Bo stepped out the door and rode off into the horizon. Then it began. Princess Git Er Done snipped at Tater, Baby threw a toy, Tater called Git Er Done stupid, Baby pitched a fit, W. Bear bet Git Er Done $6.00, Git Er Done won the bet, W. Bear wouldn't pay.
Just when Raven could take no more, there was a knock at the door. It was Desiree, Raven's friend. What was that in her arms? A casserole for tomorrow's dinner and sushi grade tuna. Here Raven was, well on her way to a meltdown and her friend brings sushi! 'Oh, Desiree!' she thought, 'You're harshing my drama.'
Having recovered from her moment, Raven rolled and rolled tekkamaki like a 60's dope head (not that she knew anything about that personally). Then she, Desiree and the kids ate themselves silly. Lunch was taken care of, cheesecake was made, babies were cuddled and life was good. A little too good perhaps.
'How long can such happiness last?' thought Raven.
Will W.Bear's ill place bet grow into a gambling problem? Will the children be fed more than spaghetti? Will there be enough blog fodder for another post?
Tune in tomorrow....

Saturday, May 23, 2009


My friends rock. They also nag me about posting to my blog, but for the most part they rock. Case in point: they threw me a surprise party for my
~wait for it~

40th birthday

~large sigh~

Now I normally like to assume I'm the fount of all knowledge (at least that's what I tell the kiddos) but I was completely surprised by all this. Clueless, I'm tellin' ya. I went with the family to my friend's house for what I thought was just another Sunday afternoon cookout/potluck. However, going around to the back of their house, I see my Dad. I think to myself, "How sweet! They invite my parents up for my birthday!" Then I see the rest of the gang. Wow. Yowza. Holy Frijoles. I've said it before and I'll say it again, you guys rock. There were friends, there were testimonials (sardonic wit!), there was food, there was live music. And there was much merriment!

There were gifts too! Y'all must be reading the blog because I got something like $357.23 in Dunkin Donuts gift cards. (Knowing that you're reading the blog, why hasn't someone gotten me that outdoor bathroom yet?)

Bo Hunkmeister had friends of ours perform "Be Thou My Vision", a very beautiful hymn that was in our wedding. Remind me to scold Bo for making me cry in public. And let me say that I gave the Millers their first piano lessons before they became rich and famous. You guys have done me proud ~sniff, sniff~

As usual with our group potlucks, there was lots of food - burgers, chicken, ribs, sushi, stuffed mushrooms, ice cream cupcakes and a donut cake with lots of sprikels spincles sprinkels jimmies!

I'm not sure what else to say because I'm operating on small amounts of sleep in addition to copious amounts of iced coffee which leads to lots of potty breaks that interrupt my train of thought - not that the trains are very long these days. So I will leave it at this.

Thanks guys - you rock!

Thursday, May 14, 2009

Today is a good day!

Not only did I have a Chinese lunch for free*, but this was my fortune:

*courtesy of mystery shopping!

Sunday, May 10, 2009

Get the Kleenex ready...

My 11 year old wrote this for me for Mother's Day:

My Mother's Hands

My Mother's hands are the hands that,
Held my Father's hands on their wedding day,
Held me to her bosom the day I came out,
Taught me to walk, corrected me when I did wrong, and
comforted me when I was sad.

The hands that taught me to read,
taught me to have fun, taught me to speak my mind.
The hands that taught me to love, care, share, think and use my imagination.
The hands that taught me about the Armor of God and how to wear it.

Her hands are the hands that love me and
the hands that care for me when I am sick.
Those hands are the hands that teach me about the love and salvation of Jesus.
The hands that clasp together in prayer, praying that I would grow up to be a godly woman, full of faith, and doing the will of Jesus.

Her hands work the ground; providing food for the family.

Her hands are hands that are always open to Jesus.
Hands that are always protecting, loving, caring, correcting,
teaching, sharing, giving, and comforting.

Happy Mother's Day Mom!


Saturday, May 09, 2009

Happy Mother's Day!

I love Mother's Day because it's that day when it's all about me! Am I letting the inner diva out a bit much? In what's become an annual tradition, I've compiled a list of gift ideas. Shall we get started?

1. An outdoor bathroom. That's right, a shower, sink and toilet outside of my house. Why? Because I'm tired of little boys who play in the mud and then tramp through my house because they need to go potty. An outdoor bathroom would allow them to piddle outside without the neighbors getting upset and at the end of the day, I can shower them off before they come indoors. Go ahead, tell me I'm a genius.

2. A vegetable cloaking device. Like the Klingons had on Star Trek. With a cloaking device, my carb-boy will actually eat something other than white starchy things.

3. $500.00 in Dunkin' Donuts gift cards. Lattes, iced coffee, coolattas– I love them all. I could have a DD product every day. However, the husband insists on using his paycheck for things like paying the mortgage or the electric bill rather than funding my Dunkin' habit.

4. A GPS device to implant in my children's shoes. It never fails that one shoe is downstairs and the other shoe is nowhere near the first shoe. Yet I don't see my kids walking around with one shoe only to take off said shoe ten minutes and twenty feet away from the first shoe so they wander around with the original shoe asking where the other shoe is. You following me?

5. Recipe organizer. Between the document box, the twenty or so recipe books and three year's worth of Cook's Illustrated, I am over whelmed. But I can't throw any of them away because I want to try them. No really, I will make that lobster soufflé some day. Really. Help me.

6. Titanium game boxes. I do not know who at Hasbro/Mattel/etc. thinks that putting children's games in thin cardboard boxes is a good idea. Within days of receiving a game, the corners are split and taped back together at least three times. In ones month's time, the box is basically a place-mat. I know titanium is a bit more expensive but I think I'll end up ahead with the money I'd save on tape.

Now my dear Bo Hunkmeister suggested for the gift list a device that locks a child in the bathroom until their hands have been tested for the presence of soap and water. I would have listed said device here until it occurred to me that children like Baby would probably like being locked in the bathroom for a few hours. We'll have to work out the bugs on that gift idea for next year.

Until then - all you Moms have a wonderful day!!

Saturday, May 02, 2009

My Life in Cars

My recent post about our new ride got me to thinking about how my life can be traced by the cars I've owned. I've noticed that the vehicles just keep getting bigger.

This was the car in which Bo Hunkmeister took me on our second date. It was a fall foliage ride through Connecticut. Notice my sexy outfit. I would have worn my hajib but it was at the cleaners.

This was my first love car. I bought it for $600 from a fellow art student and it was worth every penny I paid. I had a mechanically inclined friend give the car a once over.

He said, "You need brake fluid."
I said, "All right, I'll get some tomorrow."
He said, "No, like now."
I said, "Like this afternoon?"
He said, "No, like, your brakes will be failing in the next ten minutes."
I said, " Ok, so like I should go get brake fluid now, huh?"
Am I a smart cookie, or what?
When I sold the car ~hangs head in shame~, the driver's side door was not working, it periodically stalled and it had about 140,000 miles on it. The girl I sold it to told me that three months later, both doors were not working and the brakes had failed when someone stole the car.

When I married the stylish Bo Hunkmeister, I also married his stylish car, the Honda Accord. In an effort to teach my husband not to be so precious with his possessions, I wrecked the car for him. He didn't seem to be as appreciative as I though he would be.

In a fit of consumerism, we bought a Volvo. To me this car screams Yuppy DINKs! (Dual Income, No Kids). This was a lesson in how not to buy a car: no research, impulse purchase, no financial planning, etc. We pushed the dealership to get the car ready so we could show it off to my parents on a weekend trip to Vermont. The dealer did so and off we went, proud of ourselves and our purchase. As we were driving with my parents, the car inexplicably stalled out. There we were, dead by the side of the road in our new car that we were just bragging about. My mother, bless her heart, said, "Well, it has a nice interior!" Pride goeth before the car troubles. One summer day I was driving the car and it stalled out— leaving me by the side of the road in 98 degree weather with a trunk full of groceries and a one month old baby in the back seat. This was when we got a cell phone and a new car.

This car began our relationship with Anchor Subaru. We haven't met their parents yet, but I'm sure a ring is in our future. This purchase we were smarter about. We researched, test drove and researched some more. This lovely piece of engineering served us well until we just plain out-grew it. The only down side was I woke up one morning, looked out my kitchen window, and noticed that the car was tilting to one side. I went out to discover that, during the night, someone had jacked up the car and stolen all four alloy wheels. You'd think it would have been easier to just steal the whole car. Maybe they didn't want to be mistaken for a soccer mom. There was a bright side though— we got two free jacks out of the deal.

As much as we liked our Subaru, with baby number 4 on the way, we went back to our friends at Anchor and bought our Honda Odyssey minivan. It should be a crime to sell such a lovely, clean car to people like us who are going to fill it with old french fries, crumpled juice boxes and other miscellaneous food bits. Being the art students that we are, we put our own touch on it. Bo removed the flames before we traded it in but I thought flames would add to its resale value. Again, loved the car but, just like Otto the goldfish, we needed something bigger.

So now we ride in a battleship size vehicle. And while it's a large vehicle to maneuver, we do periodically get the chance to down-size to this:

But where's the beverage holder?