Monday, December 15, 2008

Hi, I'm on Crack


I'm six months pregnant. I've got five kids. I homeschool 'em. Why am I telling you this? To drive home the fact that time and energy is not something I'm basking in. So when my six year old son asks me, "Can I have that Candy Land Cake for my birthday?" Do I try to steer him to something a little bit more manageable? Heck no! I say, "Sure honey!" Why? It's Art-School-Itis.

Art-School-Itis is a non-treatable genetic trait which is exacerbated by attending an art school where you're taught stuff like how to make clothing from some glue sticks and gauche. I know what you're thinking, "But Domestic Goddess, lots of people are crafty like that." I know, but Art-School-Itis takes it that special, interpretive step further. Art-School-Itis is more than just the overwhelming desire to wear black, listen to the Smiths and drink far too much coffee. It's the inability to walk away from a creative challenge. It's the nagging voice in your head every time you see something that says, "I could make that." It's the overwhelming desire to craft mushrooms out of meringue for a yule log because cut up marshmallows just don't reflect the essence of a real woodland mushroom. It's the whacked out notion that with a glue gun and a few found objects, you could probably build a car with superior gas mileage.

So when my kids ask for a cake, I can't just order a pretty one from Wal-Mart. I can't even get a cake and doctor it a bit. No, I have to spend four hours and $25.00 on candy. Don't let my nutritionist mother in law see this post. She's liable to call social services on me.

If anyone knows of a support group, please let me know. But first I have to finish this medieval shirt for my brother.

10 comments:

Bo said...

Ahh...the exquisite insanity that is mine alone to enjoy. You're the best, baby!

Anonymous said...

wicked cool....when do I get mine?

Amy Brock said...

I totally understand! This happens to me at Halloween. I hate that holiday, but I cannot, will not, allow my children to go out in a store-bought plastic-masked lame-o costume! Praise God, this year my children showed no interest in going through our very small neighborhood. I told them I would buy 50% off candy the day after and all were happy.

My latest symptoms are the desire to paint, and so, I am trying to achieve the goal of painting every day for at least 30 days.

Kelly said...

The cake is impressive enough, but did you really have to make the entire deck of Candyland cards out of marzipan!?


Also...exquisite insanity is my new autobiography title. Thank you, "Bo".

Amanda in RI said...

Awesome cake, Dawn!

GE is me said...

Ummm, anonymous,(which I'm guessing is one of the brothers)you should've been at play group this am- because 15 children & 5 adults put a pretty good ars whoopin' on that there cake. And as always it was phenomenal, sugar & all! :)

Sandy said...

Amen Sister! (if you find that support group, let me know. I was just upstairs helping Benjamin make blankets and pillows for Pay Pals at school to sell to other "buyers" for one popsicle stick. They earn a Pay Pal (or small stuffed animal) by doing homework and then can participate in the whole mock buying, selling, store thing. You KNOW I'm bloggin' about it tomorrow!)

The Domestic Goddess said...

Anonymous - this cake can be yours for the small fee of $100.00 (I have to pay my midwife finder's fee)

Kelly - wait 'til you see what I sculpted the game pieces out of!

Mark said...

Whoa. This needs to be submitted for some kind of award... or a fine of some sort or other.

Rebecca Grattan said...

Ok....so if i come up to visit you guys some time near my birthday, can i get a cake like that?....Rhienwald's is old news!