Saturday, July 19, 2008

That there Debi Pearl book

So I did it....

After seventeen years of marriage, I finally read Debi Pearl's "Created to Be His Help Meet". You know, that book about which people either think, "This saved my marriage!!" or "This woman is the brainwashed spawn of the enemy!!" Being the consensus building female that I am, I fall somewhere in the middle. Well, actually I'm more towards Debi's side. But with reservations.

Over all, I think there's a lot of good stuff in the book. We wives would all be better off in our marriages if we followed the general idea of what Debi says. That being said, Debi does have a plain spoken (read 'blunt') way about her that, in this day of political correctness, is automatically deemed judgmental. And she has some ideas that might be a little too counter-cultural for some (i.e. heavy emphasis on herbal remedies, self sufficient living, etc). However, I think it’s a shame that people who are turned off to her manner of speaking or some of the ideas contained within her book will dismiss it entirely. Outside of the Bible, I've never read a book thinking, "This must be the inerrant truth on this subject because it's written by [fill in the blank]." I think it's dangerous to read any book with that mindset (well, maybe Thomas Sowell but that's another conversation). I've always kept in mind that the advice contained in a particular book might not work for my situation, or maybe it will, but not at this time. Even books I start off disliking have something that will make me pause and reconsider what I believe. They either strengthen my beliefs or cause me to research further if I've been wrong (which, of course, seldom happens, right Bo?)

Anyway, here's what I found interesting:

1. God created Adam with a job to do which he commenced doing before Eve arrived on the scene. Basically, what I think Debi's saying is that we were created to help our man, not the other way around; Adam's occupation takes precedence over Eve's. That's not to say Adam disregards Eve's wants or desires (an unhappy wife is not a good thing. Ask Bo). But it might not be God's plans for Bo to drop his career because I want to be free to pursue mine. What I'm taking away from this is that I'm to be Bo's helper. I'm not his roommate doing my own thing, but someone actively working to help him do his job.

2. "A good marriage is good because one or both or them have learned to overlook the other's faults, to love the other as he or she is and not to attempt to change the other or bring him or her to repentance." (p.129) AMEN. Ladies! Stop trying to get him to be Mr. Right and focus on being Mrs. Right! Pray for him and then let God deal with the spouse's short comings (God's better at it anyway).

3. "If you find pleasure in being a source of temptation to men, you are definitely an ungodly woman and are in desperate need of repentance." Whoa. This is what I mean by blunt. So if I wear a tank top, am I in this group of "definitely ungodly"? I understand what Debi says about too many women not understanding the workings of a man's visual stimulation. And I hear all you ladies out there saying, "Well that's the guy's issue. I'm not responsible for their dirty minds." Modesty means different things to different people. But I do think we have a responsibility to help our fellow human with living as best as they can. If I know my friend is on a diet, I'm not going to suggest going to an ice cream shop and say, "Well it's her issue." Although I have to go on a small rant here. TEEN GIRLS: STOP WEARING TANK TOPS TO CHURCH. Ok, I'm done.

4. "Any good woman should be able to fix a screen door." I've heard many a wife complain about how hubby is "just not getting around to fixing x, y or z." Honestly ladies, is it easier to sit around, complain and wait forever for the work to get done by a disgruntled spouse? Or should you use your God-given resourcefulness, get the job done and surprise hubby with one less thing on the "To Do" list? If you have given birth, you are more than capable of getting some handiwork done around the house.

The general idea I take away from this book is to respect your man as a man. Treat him like the blessing from God that he is and he will rise to the expectation. If you keep thinking that you're the one who's OK and you're waiting for him to get his !@#$ together, you'll be waiting a long time.

So, if the whole idea of wifely submission makes you start snarling, don't read this book. If you're down with it and looking to refine your technique, it's worth a read.

1 comment:

Lori said...

I'm leaving that there Debi Pearl book alone, GRIN, but did want to tell you that you have been tagged for a meme on my blog. Pop over if you get a chance and let me know if you play!