Saturday, March 01, 2008

WHAT ABOUT MY NEEDS?!?

I need a Sock-a-Nator. Here's what a Sock-a-Nator will do:

*It will go through my house every night and pick up the 2,000 or so socks that my five kids leave here and yond.

*The Sock-a-Nator will be able to tell 1. which socks were truly worn and 2. which were carried downstairs with the intent of being worn but then carelessly left on the floor. The Sock-a-Nator will then administer a sound thrashing to the owners of the second category.

*The Sock-a-Nator will wash the socks, match them up and put them in the appropriate drawer.

*Upon hearing the cry, "Moooommm!!!, I don't have any socks!" the Sock-a-Nator will automatically redirect the child to their sock drawer or their laundry that needs to be put in the washing machine. The Sock-a-Nator will also give Mom a quick back rub lest she explodes from hearing "Moooommm!!!, I (fill in the blank)!!" for the umpteenth time that day.

*The Sock-a-Nator will find a true and noble use for the orphaned single socks so Mom doesn't feel guilty about throwing away single socks.

*The Sock-a-Nator will, once per quarter, buy stock in Hanes to recoup money spent on buying socks for a large family. The dividends from said stock (which will rise exponentially because my kids won't stop growing like I've asked them to) will go into a high yield money market account from which Mom will buy stuff from Frederick's of Hollywood so Mom can once again feel like a sexy woman and not the Manic Sock Nazi.


That's not too much to ask for, is it?

6 comments:

Anonymous said...

Solution (perhaps): barrel shaped baskets, one in each kid room, that are for socks and sock only, or perhaps only one of such in hallway upstairs. All clean socks and socks found on the floor go in this basket. The only other place for socks is in the laundry basket(s). The only place to get socks to wear is in the hall basket. If they don't match, no one cares. If you run out, no one cares. No new socks are bought until all socks in the house are totally gone.
I know, it is a dream. That is what happens when you wake up hung over from eating a heavy chocolate dessert the night before.
Love, Mamala

GE is me said...

Ummm, noooo that's not too much to ask for. :) You could always do the sniff test, for cleanliness. For the girls sox because they are so little I try to put them in a lingerie bag so they don't get lost in the laundry. However, I've still managed to lose a couple(I'm hoping they're just temporarily misplaced in my never ending pile of laundry.)
Individual sox- donate them to an orphanage so they can make sock puppets??? That's my thought any how.
:) -G

JT said...

While I would love a Sock-a-nator, I really want a Dish-o-matic that would take all used cans, cups, glasses, and plates from around the house and get them to the kitchen and in the dishwasher.

ET said...

I stumbled across your site a few weeks ago, and have really enjoyed your wit. I've been wondering if everthing is okay, as you haven't been on in a while? Praying that all is well and we will soon be treated to more great humor from your neck of the woods!
Be blessed,
Tyler

domesticgoddess said...

Why Tyler, I appreciate your concern! While I'd like to say that I've been on some sort of book tour, the real truth is that I'm a homeschooling mom of five kiddos. So there are days when I have to ask myself, "Do I blog or feed the kids?" Suffice to say, the kids whine louder than the computer. Take a gander at fussypants.typepad.com while you're waiting for me to get my act together

MaryEllen said...

Errrgh. This is my daughter to a tee. She's constantly complaining she has no socks. They seldom appear in her laundry basket, so clean ones somehow do not arrive to her - but she sheds socks all over the house. We have set a no-sympathy policy on her continual complaints about hurting her toes on this, that, and the other thing, as she will not heed the advice to wear some shoes, or at least socks. So I like certain aspects of the Sock-a-nator.