I need a Sock-a-Nator. Here's what a Sock-a-Nator will do:
*It will go through my house every night and pick up the 2,000 or so socks that my five kids leave here and yond.
*The Sock-a-Nator will be able to tell 1. which socks were truly worn and 2. which were carried downstairs with the intent of being worn but then carelessly left on the floor. The Sock-a-Nator will then administer a sound thrashing to the owners of the second category.
*The Sock-a-Nator will wash the socks, match them up and put them in the appropriate drawer.
*Upon hearing the cry, "Moooommm!!!, I don't have any socks!" the Sock-a-Nator will automatically redirect the child to their sock drawer or their laundry that needs to be put in the washing machine. The Sock-a-Nator will also give Mom a quick back rub lest she explodes from hearing "Moooommm!!!, I (fill in the blank)!!" for the umpteenth time that day.
*The Sock-a-Nator will find a true and noble use for the orphaned single socks so Mom doesn't feel guilty about throwing away single socks.
*The Sock-a-Nator will, once per quarter, buy stock in Hanes to recoup money spent on buying socks for a large family. The dividends from said stock (which will rise exponentially because my kids won't stop growing like I've asked them to) will go into a high yield money market account from which Mom will buy stuff from Frederick's of Hollywood so Mom can once again feel like a sexy woman and not the Manic Sock Nazi.
That's not too much to ask for, is it?