Wednesday, December 12, 2007

Act Now! Limited Special Offer!

I have found the way to make millions. I have discovered a procrastination cure. Do you suffer from not vacuuming because you think to yourself, "I'll do that later?" Have you told yourself, "I really don't have time to clean (fill in the blank) now." End all that procrastination with my simple but exciting new non-procrastination program. Here's how it works. You simply have my 18 month old son ("Baby") stay with you for a week and anything you needed to clean or fix will be immediately put to the top of your priority list. For example, up until yesterday, I had been meaning to clean my toilet for a week. In just a few minutes, Baby just walked into the bathroom, threw some stuff in the toilet, stirred it around with the Swiffer mop and left a huge mess that I couldn't ignore. I also wanted to vacuum but thought I'd do it later. When Baby knocked the potted plant onto the floor spilling dirt everywhere, I was forced to put down what I was doing and vacuum. What I had put off for weeks, Baby manage to punt to the front of the To Do list in five minutes! What a fabulous system! But don't just take my word for it, just read these testimonials:

"Before I used the Baby system, I had been wanting to replace my screen door for months. When I got Baby, he immediately sent a large toy through the screen forcing me to go to Home Depot that very afternoon. Thanks Baby!"- Susi Farquahar

"I had been trying to redecorate my house but my many social obligations kept me from accomplishing this. Once Baby was in my house, he used permanent marker on my couch, piddled on my rugs and pulled down my curtains. As I write this the designer is on his way over to discuss new color schemes! I plan to tell all my friends about this great system!"
- Raven le Babe-Hunkmeister

So there you have it! End procrastination in your life! Send for Baby now! No, I mean it, like right now! Call today!
As an added incentive, the first caller will also get the Early Disobedience Warning Sibling. This sibling will go off like a car alarm the nano-second someone does something remotely wrong. No more discovering old messes or accidents, this kid will actually pre-warn you when someone's going to misbehave! You can be proactive in your day!

5 comments:

Justin said...

Wow. I almost wet myself laughing so hard. Did I mention I'm working late tonight?

GE is me said...

I told you I'd trade you a 2 for 1 deal! 2- 2 1/2 year olds for 1 18 mo. old. I think it's a great deal & would be beneficial to both of us. Who cares what the husbands would think/say??? :) (mine just chuckled when I told him of this offer.)
I'm sure it would definitely help my procrastination levels.
-Gail

JT said...

I have one of those EDWS myself. Actually, my kids are multifunctional. ;)

Happy Merry!!

Jeff, Judith, Lauren, Emily, Daniel, Amy, and Joel said...

I don't think I have ever laughed so hard from reading a blog before!!! YOU ARE A RIOT!!! I will definently be back to check out your blog and I will send along some of my friends too.
Judith

Thomas and Lisa said...

This is much easier to deal with then the not so funny times the baby knocks over the plant on the freshly vacuumed carpet! I still remember the time we had spent most of Saturday cleaning the house including mopping the floors only to have Sunday come and cream soda getting sprayed all over the kitchen-floors, walls, cabinets...