Thursday, September 13, 2007

America: Land of the Creative

I just got back from a road trip to North Carolina. I was planning to write about that but then I saw this catalog and I just couldn't let the day go by without sharing what I found.
Oriental Trading Company is a lovely company in Nebraska that imports millions of dollars in disposable plastic doo-dads and gee-gaws begging the question, "Where's an environmentalist when you need one?!?" We recently got their Halloween catalog which I decided to read during lunch. Up until now I had been feeling that there was a certain something lacking in my life. Purpose? A sense of direction? Nay, its was item #DQ-K1248, the Hose Nose. This charming little item is a plastic nose filled with sour-apple flavored candy slime which you can suck out. Mmmm....candy slime....who needs Haagen Dazs when you got candy slime? Now you have to wonder, who at the candy factory knew that sour apple is the flavor closest to actual booger? Are there crusty bits mixed in? If I open the cap, does it just run out or do I have to pick it out? The description in the catalog also mentions that the candy slime is fat free! That's good because I was starting to get concerned about the nutritional value of my booger flavored candy slime. There are also straps to secure the nose to your ears. Well, didn't those kind people at Oriental Trading just think of everything! Do you suppose they had a test market group where one of the responses was "Well, the slime was certainly tasty but hard to eat as the nose kept sliding down my face. Ear straps would definitely help were I to be walking and trying to suck the slime out at the same time."
Now I love America but it concerns me that there are people who are paid serious money to create items like this. Where I can I send my resume?