Saturday, May 12, 2007

Happy Mother's Day

Happy Mother's Day Ladies!

It's that joyous time of year again where we can sit back and say "I ain't cooking tonight!"

My darling babies, without whom I would not qualify to celebrate this day, ask me every year what I want for Mother's Day. Every year I tell them "peace and quiet" and every year they roll their eyes and mutter something about me being difficult to shop for. So I thought I'd help them out by making a list on my blog (which I haven't visited for so long that I actually found cobwebs when I tried to log in).

1. A Left-Over-Nator
This device will remove all food substances from my refrigerator that have become inedible, cheerfully wash out the funky storage containers and gently inform me in the morning that what I was planning on serving tonight is no longer available. The optional "Alternative-Meal-O-Matic" would be appreciated.

2. A caramel latte delivered to my door every day at 1:30 during quiet time (iced during the summer, please)

I'm getting a little tired of these brain trusts informing me that I am worth $130,000. What as I suppose to do with that information? Bean my husband over the head with it? If he doesn't respect me now, some pithy little article like this won't open him up to a new reality. To find our self worth in a monetary amount is to miss why we do what we do in the first place.

4. A Universal Toddler Translator
Now the bible tells me I'm not suppose to frustrate my kids but when I need to ask my Farsi speaking two year old to tell me again what it is he's point to, I'm not sure I can abide by that rule.

5. A Sock Coordinator
I want someone to find the missing mate for each sock in the large box sitting in my hallway. This person will also be in charge of sewing on missing buttons, patching knees in pants, alerting me prior to 9:00 pm that the girls have run out of clean underwear, and keep my boys from going out in flood pants.

6. A self cleaning high chair with shower attachment
Anyone who's fed a baby spaghetti will understand what I mean.

7. Some sort of pharmaceutical (wow, I spelled that correctly!) that will cure my 1 year old of his intense desire to play with dangerous items.
He has $300.00 worth of baby toys tested to be educational and more fun than a weekend in Vegas yet he always manages to find the one sharp pencil on left on the floor and run through the house with it.

8. A 5 minute exercise/dental health plan
I want to be able to get all the benefits of exercising regularly (including weight training) and floss and brush and rinse and flouride my teeth six times a day all in five minutes. That way I can devote the saved time to watching Russian traffic videos on Youtube.

Well, that's my list for now. It's not too much to ask for, is it?


Aaron said...

welcome back! Don;t be so stingy! I need a good laugh more often you should post more!

Andrea Sims said...

Hi Dawn -

Thanks for re-sending me the blog link - I enjoyed catching up on it. You're a really good writer. The book recommendations look good too. Have a lovely Mother's Day - with all the peace, quiet and chocolate you could want! (well maybe not the peace and quiet).
Love, Andrea

PS I would love to hear your latest thoughts/recommendations on homeschooling. Did you go to your homeschooling conference this year?

Noid said...

I will pass this on to Christine. It's amazing how you all think alike--she said she wanted 24 hours away from the kids for her Mother's Day. ;)

Anonymous said...

yeah, I wanted to check out for the day too, but the best I got was to "assume the position" (dad's on the couch! -get your mind out of the gutter!) & have him bring me H2O & popcorn. Mind you that is all I asked him to bring me so guess I can't complain on that front.

Justin said...

You rock, baby! I'll start working on some of these inventions.

C, C, N & E said...

i'm SO happy to find the blog back up - needed a dose of dawn today.
hope mother's day was a smash!
i spent mine in the waiting room of neonate where gideon was being admited for menengitis. yipee.
(but there was cake for breakfast the next morning and after 2 weeks baby's home and healthy again).