Saturday, May 09, 2015

Mother's Day 2015


Happy Mother's Day!! I hope it's as lovely a day for you as it is for me. In case you haven't planned ahead for a gift, I have a few modest suggestions.

1. Pantry Diver.
Since I haven't received my Asimo robot or my organizer monkey, I need a pantry diver. Someone to dive in and pull out the shortening that's buried beneath 15 other things and then put back everything that fell out so I can continue with my baking. Also to make sure I use up the first package of raisins before I buy more since I can't find the second or third package.
I'm going in for the chocolate chips!


2. National Reading Day. 
I've stopped keeping a list of books I want to read because it's too depressing to look at the list of 40+ books knowing that even if I really tried, I can only do a book a week. That means I'm a year behind in my reading. So I propose a National Reading Day where you're required by law to put aside all other obligations/responsibilities/etc and spend the day reading. I'll even make the coffee and oatmeal cookies for it, you know, to use up all the raisins. I know this idea will probably tank the economy, but that's a small price to pay for a lovely day of coffee, cookies and a good book.

3. Ketchup Cap Cleaner.
I don't know about you but when I have ketchup on the table, it starts off a clean bottle. By the time it makes the circuit around the table, you'd think we turned the bottle inside out. Yet said messy bottle inevitably gets put back in the refrigerator before I see it so when I pull it out the next time, there's fossilized ketchup around the opening. I'm sorry if I just ruined your appetite, but I had to confess that one.

4. Project Finisher. 
I have since taken up crocheting in addition to the knitting and sewing I do because I'm insane and don't know when to stop hurting myself. I think it's a symptom of my Art-School-Itis. On the road to self realization, I have also found that while I have skill in creating and starting a project, my motivation runs out just before the project is done. As a result, I have, among others, a project in which 86 buttons have to be sewn on, tote bags without handles, and scarves with yarn dangling off. I need someone to come in and put the finishing touches on these project yet be ok with me taking all the credit (you're surprised by this?) Said Project Finisher must also be able to fetch me more coffee as I start more projects.

Please. Make her stop.

5. Saucifier.
I have previously written about my recipe issues. A lot of these recipes come with sauces: lemon taziki? roasted tomato relish? banana mustard? sure, why not! 
Yeah, I know this sounds horrific, but the sauce is fantastic!

Of course, once the main course has been eaten up with ketchup (see above), there's always sauce left that I just can't bring myself to throw out. And I can't make a tote bag out of it. But since the entree on which it's served is gone, there's nothing to eat the sauce with. So in my refrigerator they sit. And sit. And sit. Someone needs to come in and either transform the sauces into an edible soup or teach my kids to spread it on their sandwiches. A peanut butter, Fluff, and Buffalo Ranch sauce sandwich is really not as bad as it sounds. No, really.


So there you have it; a short little list of things I really need. Now get shopping while I start this crochet blanket.

Sunday, September 07, 2014

Thankfulness


I’ve been tagged in this thankfulness thing and since it doesn’t involve dumping something on my head or imply that I’m not thankful/caring/have a soul if I don’t pass this cute cat meme on, I will take part. Now I could do the obvious and list things like my husband, my kids, my faith, but to me that’s a given. There’s not a day that goes by that I don’t think, “How did I end up with these fine people because I’m not that nice a person.” So I thought I’d do something different. A couple of years back, I read an article that challenged the reader to spend a day thanking God for everything, not matter how small and inconsequential. This article resonated with me for a few reasons. The first reason is related to my favorite quote: “God is in the details.” We all love the stories of the big miracles, we all like the stories of the fancy things spouses do for each other but for me, but the closer I edge towards 30, 40, 50, I find what really counts is the small stuff. He bought me a coffee, I found the up front parking spot on a rainy day, my favorite ice cream is on sale. The little things can make or break a day. Secondly, the challenge seemed like the prayer without ceasing thing mentioned in 1 Thessalonians and I figured this would be a good step in that direction.

What I found doing the challenge was the more I said thanks for, the more I found to be thankful for. So I now walk around a lot mumbling “Thank you, Jesus.” And depending on your beliefs, maybe I’m walking around talking to God or maybe I’m walking around talking to the sky. But I do know I’ve been a lot more thankful since I’ve started and that can’t be a bad attitude to have.

So back to this Facebook challenge: I’m supposed to list three things I’m thankful for over a few days, but I’m kind of lazy so I figured I dump them all here at once. Ready? Here are the small things I’m thankful for:
  1. Football season: Hubby works hard to keep me in the life I’ve become accustom to so early in our marriage, I resolved to do my best to indulge him in this interest. It has since turn into a lovely Sunday afternoon of him bonding with a few of our kids over football facts, fun foods for dinner (dough boys, anyone?) culminating in a Superbowl get together filled with cheese, bacon and carbs.
  2. Knitting/Crocheting: it gives my fidgety fingers something to do, makes waiting at the doctor’s office (or anywhere else for that matter) more productive, allows me to be crafty without a huge cash/time outlay, and it’s enabled me to meet some really interesting people (interesting in a good way, not that raised eyebrow way)
  3. Bubble tea: I can’t explain just trust me on this
  4. Air conditioning
  5. My laptop: It’s like my lovey.
  6. Seafood
  7. RV’s
  8. Facebook: No, seriously. I really enjoy touching base with people I grew up with, went to school with, etc, looking at all the pretty wedding dresses.
  9. My small group peeps and the ancillary folks associated with them. And by ancillary, I don’t mean second stringers, but the friends of my friends I’ve gotten to meet as a result of being friends with my friends. Got it?
  10. Free Fun Fridays: When you have 6 kids, anything that’s free is good. Well, except half eaten pastries. No, really. I’ll tell you that story some other time.
  11. My neighborhood: I love walking to the corner and buying cilantro and lemons off of the veggie vendors there. They will also hack open a fresh coconut for you too.
  12. Eating out: I seldom get to so I’m very thankful for when I do.
  13. Legos: Those things are bloody genius.
  14. Books: If I’m not knitting/crocheting, I’m reading and vice versa
  15. My big ol’ van: I know I complain about the gas milage and the maneuverability of it, but sometimes driving a bus comes in real handy. Could be a Napoleon complex thing.
  16. Teaching Sunday school: Those kids are just too adorable and they’re at an age where pretty much anything I do is funny. It’s also a challenge to communicate why I believe what I believe. If I can’t get a seven year old to understand, then I’m doing it wrong. Also, my teammates are pretty cool too – especially that Jen Dyer woman.
  17. BJ’s free samples: It’s now a Friday ritual for me and the kids. The boys think it’s awesome to get cake, ice cream and a bit of BBQ chicken pizza all in one day. When they realize what a small thrill this is, I’ll be bumming.
  18. iPod Touch: It’s a phone book, memo book and calendar all in one small appliance. And as such, allows me to carry one of those cute small pocketbooks rather than a suitcase.
  19. Yard sales
  20. Internet: I can order yarn and crochet hooks and have them delivered to my comfy recliner? Yes, please!
  21. Coffee
  22. Ice Cream: Except those flavors with nuts in them. That’s just a travesty of justice.
  23. Pizza: the savior of ruined dinners and the staple of a kid’s definition of a great day.
  24. The smell of a newborn’s head.
  25. The smile newborns make before they’re aware of smiling. It’s like they’re remembering something funny and not letting you in on the joke.
  26. Ok so I can’t think of two more things to make an even 30 .
  27. So I’ll stop here.
  28. And you can be thankful for that.

Sunday, August 03, 2014

Job Performance Review


Having completed another year of being the Husband of the Domestic Goddess, I decided it would be fitting to have a job performance review for Bo Hunkmeister. I have posted the transcript of our review here in the interest of corporate transparency.

Me: Bo, for the responsibilities listed on your job description, you are currently being compensated with my unqualified love along with periodic performance bonuses of unlimited smooches and hugs. There’s also other compensation that, for the sake of corporate security, we will not disclose. Pending the result of this job review, there is the possibility of a raise in your compensation in the form of a Chicken Fried Steak dinner with the pie of your choice.
Bo: Uhhh... ok.

Me: Let’s get started. Bo, what do you think are some of the highlights of the past year?

Bo: Well, in addition to my usual responsibilities of being an excellent husband, I’ve talked you out of your tree more than a few times, I introduced you to some more fun relatives you didn’t know, and I took you and the children on a three week adventure. I was a big supporter of all of your projects (writing, sewing, knitting, and professional whining) and I also kept you well supplied with iced coffee, bubble teas and whatever other whim happened to prance across your mind.

Me: Too true. There were some real accomplishments this year. I especially appreciated your effort on the trip to make sure it was a vacation for me and not “same job, different location.” Ok, next question. What would you say your strengths are? What skills do you bring to this job?

Bo: One of my strengths is definitely understanding that even if I don’t understand what you’re upset about, if it’s important to you, than it’s important to me. My other strength is my ability to sense when you need an iced coffee and to deliver said iced coffee in a timely manner. I also have the ability to see when the children are eating your flesh and to step in before someone gets hurt and/or arrested.

Me: Yes, I have noticed that we have finished this 23rd year of marriage with the same number of children we started with. With regards to our shareholders, also known as the grandparents, that is a very important accomplishment. Let’s continue; what would you say your weaknesses are?

Bo: Well, the ‘Great Biscuit Incident of 2008’ was kind of a watershed moment for me, a turning point if you will, in my approach to this job from which I learned a lot and made a lot of changes. But, if I had to point out a weakness in my approach to this job, it would probably be not having engaged a psychotherapist to help me understand all 256 personalities within you.

Me: Yes, I understand being the Husband of the Domestic Goddess can be a challenge of heroic proportions, but then that is why you were chosen for the job. Maybe that’s something we can work on for the coming year. You certainly are always interested in ways to improve, which in itself is a laudable characteristic. So along that thought, are there any goals you’d like to set for the coming year?

Bo: I think some constructive goals for the coming year would be to continue to seek ways to do my job better and come up with more funny inside jokes that are too warped for us to share with the general public. And maybe buy stock in Dunkin’ Donuts. Yes... definitely buying stock.

Me: Well, Bo, I may be speaking a little too hastily here, not having convened with the board of directors, but I must say we are quite please with your performance. We will continue at your aforementioned compensation level along with the stated bonuses. We thank you for yet another year of wonderfullness and we look forward to next year’s review. In the mean time, let’s go get some Chinese food!

Bo: As you wish.

Thursday, July 31, 2014

Falling on My Sword



Seeing as how there was sooo much interest in the subject of bizarrely flavored Lays, as a public service, 

and to save you $4.29 in buyer’s remorse,

and because I had a house full of kids who are willing to do silly things in the name of a fun blog post,

and because one of them said, “Buy them! It will be like a science experiment!”

I went ahead and bought a bag.

I am almost ashamed to admit that.

Truly.

I bought the bag home and set the bowl before six kids ranging in age from five to 13. Keep in mind these are the kids who thought Cool Ranch Doritos sandwiched between Oreo cookies was a taste sensation. I would say that qualifies for being “open minded”

Here are the results:

O, the 13 year old: “I’m confused.”
A, the five year old: “I like coffee and I don’t like coffee anymore!”
E, the 11 year old: is speechless
J, the eight year old: “Blech!!”
H, the ten year old: “Meh.”
W, the 12 year old: “Did Lays even try these before they sold them? I mean, I keep trying them to see if they would taste better but they don’t.”

The 17 year old walked in and said, “You didn’t seriously buy these, did you?” and walked out.

Apparently this particular flavor was submitted by Chad of Henderson, NY. He is quoted on the back of the bag as saying, “Cappuccinos are my lifeblood. A cappuccino potato chip lightly dusted with sugar...I may never put them down.”

Good grief, Chad! Where in the name of all that is good are you getting your cappuccinos? The Flying J truck stop?!? This potato chip is an affront to all that is good and holy about coffee based beverages.

A quick visit to Google Maps showed that Henderson, NY is a rather scenic town on the shore of Lake Ontario; 20 minutes from a Starbucks in Watertown and 12 minutes from a Dunkin’ Donuts. Really Chad, there is no excuse.

And it makes you wonder what Lays passed over thinking that this flavor would sell.

The highlight for me was the fact that Lays felt it important to put this statement on the bottom of the bag: "Does not contain caffeine"
 
Good to know 'cause I was a little concerned about the kids catching a buzz off of these.


Friday, June 27, 2014

You Have Been Warned


Dear Appliances,

As you may be aware, the Bo Hunkmeister is going on a trip. This letter shall serve as your official notice to stay on duty. Previously, when the Bo Hunkmeister has gone away, a few of you decided that it would be great fun to stop working and leave me bereft of your services. While this has at times provided a small amount of amusement in the form of blog posts, in general, it has been a highly irritating happenstance.

Therefore, I am formally putting you on notice that failure to work according to your accepted standards will not be tolerated. It has already been an expensive year with the furnace, alternator and van transmission deciding to go AWOL. So much so that the Bo Hunkmeister and I were contemplating celebrating New Year’s Eve June 1 in the hopes of ending an expensive year and starting a newer, less expensive one. The UN however denied our request to alter the time/space continuum.

Thus you are hereby ordered to continue working. Please heed this notice. As the mom of six, two born by C-section, I am not to be trifled with. To paraphrase Shakespeare, hell hath no fury like a mom left without her appliances.

In closing, treat me right and I will treat you right. Resort to your previous hi-jinks and there will. be. pain.

Love Always,
the Domestic Goddess

Wednesday, April 23, 2014

Potluck Ideas

I love my library. One of the reasons I love my library is because they periodically hold book sales in which they sell off old books from their collection or those which have been donated.
And just in time for our monthly potluck, I found these two gems:


I really don't know how people lived through the 70's. Good music and weed? Because the recipes in these books would have kept me fasting for years. For. Years.

The first book, "Casserole Cook Book" is not so bad. I mean there are reasonable casseroles in there like


Jumbo Cornburger





Chicken Chip Bake 

That's not chips make from chicken or chicken chips as in cow chips, but chicken with potato chips. (note to self: send email to Herr chip folks suggesting new flavor.)

photo credit: K. Frye
On the other hand, can Chicken Chip really compete with DAWG! ?
(exactly what flavor is DAWG! ?)



Here's a Tex-Mex favorite: 


Chili Con Weine

Because to say Weine is classier than saying Chili con DAWG! Make sure you garnish with olives because that's what makes it authentic.


Alas, there was no photo for this, but the ingredient list caught my eye.



Whoever wrote this must have gone on to work for a political campaign. The recipe calls for a batch of "Potato Fluff Topper" What is that, you ask? If you read through the recipe, it's your basic mashed potatoes with two eggs thrown in for good measure. I love how simple, down to earth mashed potatoes have been re-worked to be "Potato Fluff Topper" Is it a duvet or a meal? It's both!

This cookbook also has helpful hints such as:


Cereal and sesame seeds together? Using canned meatballs? What level of hell is that from?

My absolute favorite is what constituted a "salad" from the 70's. Now a days, when I think of salad, I think of fresh greens and veggies with a nice vinigrette. Back then it was stacked:

 

Tomato Towers!


Or, even better, in gelatin!!




Read the fine print: "Favorite - Perfection Salad"

Perfection was defined in the 70's as shredded cabbage and celery floating in unflavored gelatin.

And it's a "Favorite" 

Think on that a while.




Friday, November 08, 2013

Bucket List, part 2 (because I have a really big bucket)

My original bucket list had 14 items on it and in the year since I've published it, I have accomplished one thing! Woot! But I've come up with 5 more things for my list!! Woot, woot! At this rate, I'll have to live a very long time to get done what I need to get done. Hear that, Grim Reaper?

How much longer do we have to wait?


Here's an update: 

On the items requiring travel, those will just have to wait a while. Unless I win Powerball next week, there's no way I can swing airplane, hotel and food for eight people to all the places I want to go. 

However, I can cross off number 5! I ran my first 5k in April of 2013. It took seven months to get up to the 5k/3 miles but I did it with Princess Buttercup, W. Bear and Bo Hunkmeister. The best part is we still continue to run.

I'm close to achieving number 6 as well. I finished writing the series on my friend's experiences living in South Africa and America, but I've yet to stop procrastinating on getting it published by Lulu. I thought I would print up a few as Christmas presents, but at the rate I'm going, it might be Christmas 2020.

Here's some new bucket list items:

1. Eat out for two weeks.
Because I have issues with breakfast cereal, I basically cook breakfast five days a week for the kids. "But there's seven days in a week, oh Domestic Goddess!" Yes, my darlings but one day a week is cereal day and on Sunday Bo cooks the chocolate chip pancakes. Anyway, I also cook dinner six days a week, 52 weeks a year. I say six because we've recently instituted a "Kids Cook Friday" rule wherein the oldest three are in charge of getting dinner on the table. All that to say I cook. I cook a lot. And trying to cook something healthy, appealing and economical that many times is hard. So I have told Bo that the day my youngest moves out of the house, I'm going on a cooking haitus. I don't want to have to think healthy, appealing or economical for an entire two weeks. I just want to point at the menu and say, "Bring me this and bring it now!" I'm even going to leave my dirty plate on the table. Bo, having done a bit of business travel in his career, says I'll get bored eating out. I say, I'd love to know what it feels like to be bored of people bringing me food on demand.

What is your pleasure, my Queen?


2. Eat my way from one end of Atwells Avenue to the other.
We have a wonderful street near our house that has quite a few notable restaurants. It's Providence's version of Little Italy, but on a smaller scale. Ok, much smaller scale. Atwells Avenue used to be just Italian restaurants with one Chinese place thrown in (owned by an Italian of course) but recently, it has evolved into a more eclectic mix of cuisines. I want to eat at each and every one. Except the hookah places. I've got no desire for apple cinnamon smoke.

3. Play Chorus 42 from Handel's Messiah on the piano
Singing Chorus 42 (Hallelujah) from Handel's Messiah was an annual tradition with my high school choir. Accompanying the choir on piano was my friend Zoe. I played piano at the time but seeing her storm through this piece like a boss blew me away. I want to have that level of skill and dexterity. I wonder if she'll commute down from Boston to give me lessons. I have my own libretto and I'll pay you in cookies, Zoe!
Wait, what note is that?


4. Get my motorcycle license
This is more of a house keeping sort of thing. I've got no desire to run out and get a Harley. I just think that in the event I'm out for a ride with Bo and he becomes incapacitated, it might be necessary for me to ride the bike home.

5. Do an IronMan Equivalent
I say equivalent because you have to travel to one of these competitions and the entrance fee is usually big, like $700 big for the one in Lake Placid, New York. An Ironman race consists of a 2.4 mile swim, a 112 mile bicycle ride and a 26.2 mile marathon, raced in that order and without a break. Most Ironman events have a strict time limit of 17 hours to complete the race. You know, given the effort I expended to get to a 5k, I might have to reconsider this goal. Seeing as how I'm only at 30 minutes of running, no swimming and I don't own a bike, this one just might be a pipe dream. I also think dropping $700 so I can hurt myself is silly. Unless there's good swag. I'd do it for really good swag.
"Excuse me, when do we get our t-shirts?"


Ok, so let's see here...my original list was 14 items, remove one, add 5, carry the 3, disregard the 2 and I'm left with uh....uh....a lot to do.